I have an admission to make.
I’ve called footballers big hairy apes.
I can’t remember if they were black, white or something else. All I know is that they weren’t playing for Melbourne.
And I’m not sorry for it either. I’d do it again.
I’ve also whinged about white maggots. They are the umpires.
And as a youngster I used to umpire junior football. That was a character building exercise.
If you want to know what it is like to be abused, get on the wrong side of a parent.
Football is exciting. It is why fans go along and cheer, get emotional and barrack until they’re hoarse.
And if you want to know something else, I think Adam Goodes would be a great face for the King Kong musical.
Not because of his ancestry, but because he is a tower of a man on the football field. He is like King Kong. Sometimes it seems like he is untouchable and I wish he was playing for Melbourne. That club is in desperate need of a couple of King Kongs.
This week has been a PR disaster for the AFL.
It was supposed to celebrate the skill of Indigenous players. They are exciting and genuine draw cards. Fans love them.
But now fans aren’t talking about that. Instead, they’re discussing why a grown footballer is so sensitive. And why the police are dragging off 13 year old girls to interrogate them about their barracking calls.
Now Eddie Maguire has become a victim of his own political correctness. I really don’t have much sympathy for him – he helped set up the victim game at the start of the week.
However, his comments highlight how juvenile our society has become.
The Thought Police and Rapid Joke Investigation Squads have jumped in to condemn Eddie for a comment, that was, well, just an innocent comment. There was no malice. There was no racism.
In fact, the whole debacle has become a huge joke. Except that it’s not funny and no one is laughing.
If you can’t handle a 13 year old yelling from the sidelines, as an individual the problem is yours, not hers. She’s just a girl.
If footballers are offended at being compared to big, hairy apes then maybe they are in the wrong business. After all, they make a living by chasing around a bit of pig-skin, much like a bunch of monkeys.
And if society can’t handle it either, then it says more about the brittleness of our culture than it does about anything else.
It’s time for grown men to grow up.