LGBTI couples with government certificates can’t be “Good People”

Welcome to 1984.

It’s a little late, I know, being the year 2013 and everything, but it is apparent that new-speak has replaced the English language.

Gay no longer means gay and marriage no longer means marriage. Well, almost. But you get my general drift.

If the Greens and whatever is left of the Labor Party and Tony Abbott’s daughters get their way after the election, then the final transformation will be complete.

So in preparation, I’ve done some thinking. It’s time to come up with new terms of convoluted alphabetic soup to give meaning to words that used to have precise definition.

As marriage now means precisely anything, it also means precisely nothing and is no longer applicable to what were previously called married couples.

Or, to put it another way, marriage no longer means a lifelong union between a man and woman that is open to children.

And what would have previously been termed as a certificate-wielding sodomite couple listed on a government register is now generally considered to be equivalent to a married couple.

(As an aside, I always find it strange that the LGBT community is clamouring for the government to register them all on some murky database. I guess it highlights their own insecurity – they need some faceless bureaucrat to tell them that they are married because deep down inside they know they’re not. And I don’t know of any married couple that thinks they’re married ‘cos the Man in Canberra coughed up some tacky certificate. Marriage is not about government. It’s about the couple. How’s that for revolutionary thought?)

Anyway, I digress.

We all know that sodomy doesn’t result in children. That means that however marriage is redefined, the gay married couples will always be different from the rest. There’s not much I, or anyone else, can do about that.

So we need a new term to replace the old term to reflect this difference. After all, words do have meaning and exist because of differences in reality and thought.

One suggestion that immediately springs to mind is the acronym ‘mawufliwitrabicc’.

It stands for ‘Man And Woman United For LIfe With the Intent of RAising  BIologically Conceived Children’.

Aren’t acronyms great!

So, no matter what you do or say, an LGBTI couple with a government certificate will never be a mawufliwitrabicc.

Actually, on second thoughts, mawufliwitrabicc is a bit of a mouthful. And it has crashed spell check.

Instead, how about we take a different approach. Let’s take two randomly chosen words, just for fun, and strip them of their original meaning. Kind of like what happened with the word ‘gay’.

Then we can combine them so that they replace the word ‘marriage’.

I suggest ‘Good’ and ‘People’. There’s nothing wrong with these words and I’m sure we can find other words to replace them, now they have a new meaning.

‘Good People’ from henceforth now means what was formally called a marriage. And marriage was formally the word used to label a couple that consisted of a man and a woman who made a lifelong commitment to each other that was open to procreation and children.

So, in the 1984 of 2013, marriage has now been redefined so that it encompasses that which it previously did not. Gay people.

And ‘Good People’ has also been redefined so that it excludes couples who cannot have children due to their bits being the same. For example, gay people.

And that’s great. Gay couples with a government certificate can be married but they can’t be ‘Good People’.

Author: Bernard Gaynor

Bernard Gaynor is a married father of seven children. He has a background in military intelligence, Arabic language and culture and is an outspoken advocate of conservative and family values.

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