Well, I never thought that this day would come.
I admit, I was wrong all the time. I failed to see the light in the rainbow and its path to world peace. More importantly, I refused to accept that enlightened totalitarian laws regulating tolerance, diversity and the prohibition of the term ‘fairy penguins’ when referring to ‘fairy penguins’ would lead humanity to a brighter future.
But wrong I was.
Overnight I had an epiphany. I know how to save the world. It is a simple but brilliant plan. And at the end of it, the Islamic State will be finished.
This plan has but two steps:
- Find a homosexual person living in New South Wales willing to lodge a vilification complaint against the Islamic State, the Caliph and all his jihadis.
- Unleash the New South Wales Anti-Discrimination Board (ADB) Thought Police armed with their self-proclaimed ‘universal’ jurisdiction to prosecute the said Caliph for being a naughty boy.
As I said, simple but brilliant. And even in the unlikely event that Abu Bakr al Baghdadi gets off because some really obscure legal technicality like ‘there is no such thing as universal jurisdiction’ gets in the way, he’s sure to go insane in the process anyway.
Now, I have no doubt that step 2 is basically all wrapped up already. After all, if I can be ‘investigated’ by the ADB for ‘vilifying’ homosexuals for putting a link to an Andrew Bolt article about marriage on my Facebook page even though I don’t live in New South Wales, then the Islamic State must surely cross the threshold as well.
Here are just a few examples one could go with:
- The Islamic State posted its legal code on social media in 2014, calling for the execution of homosexuals.
- The Islamic State executed ten men in Syria in September 2015 for ‘being gay’.
- The Islamic State executed a teenager for sodomy in January 2016. He was actually raped by an Islamic State commander who was not executed at all but that’s how things roll over there.
- The Islamic State released a video in August 2016 titled, ‘The Authority of Sharia’, showing a man accused of ‘corruption of thought’ and ‘homosexual acts’ being thrown off a building.
All of these acts were public. In fact, the Islamic State even liked to round up crowds for the show.
Of interest, a homosexual man who escaped from the Islamic State had this to say about the local reaction to homosexual executions:
It’s devastating to see the public reaction to the killings. Usually, when Isis posts pictures online, people sympathise with the victims — but not if they’re gay. You should see the Facebook comments after they post video of the killings. It’s devastating. “We hate Isis but when they do things like this, we love them. God bless you Isis.” “I am against Isis but I am totally with Isis when they kill gays.” “Amazing news. This is the least that gays deserve.” “The most horrible crime on earth is homosexuality. Good job Isis.” “The scene is ugly but they deserve it.” “Those dirty people deserve Isis.”
It certainly seems that the Islamic State’s war on homosexuality has won it some fans. In fact, one could rather say that the Islamic State has even ‘incited’ others to hatred, serious contempt or severe ridicule of homosexual persons. And that’s an offence under the Anti-Discrimination Act (NSW) 1977. So send in the Thought Police. Why are they wasting their time with me when there’s much bigger fish to fry, I say.
International experts also back up the claim that the Islamic State tends to incite hatred of homosexuals in Islamic communities. For instance, it was reported recently that the Islamic State’s example was motivating others to follow suit:
The executive director of the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, Jessica Stern, said Islamic State’s homophobic violence was inspiring other militias and ‘private actors’ to attack gay people too.
So there’s no doubt that the Islamic State and its Caliph have breached the Anti-Discrimination Act (NSW) 1977. And unless the Thought Police get into gear, there’s every chance that another whacked-out homosexual weirdo pledging allegiance to the Islamic State might go on another Orlando-style massacre. Maybe even right here in Australia’s very own Sydney. After all, it is the city that holds forums calling for an army to impose Sharia law in Australia. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, ADB.
There’s also no doubt that the Islamic State’s public acts can be investigated by the ADB, given its audaciously hopeful view that New South Wales law applies to anyone in the world if their conduct can be read about in Sydney. All of the above web links can be viewed on a computer screen in Oxford Street, even during the height of the Mardi Gras season.
At this point it’s worth remembering that the ADB came hunting after me because this humble webpage can be viewed in New South Wales. Even more importantly, it went hunting after Tess Corbett. She didn’t publish anything at all, let alone in New South Wales. She was targeted because her rather mundane comments as a political candidate about anti-discrimination law in some far-flung rural Victorian electorate were published online by various news outlets.
So for the same reasoning that the ADB can go after Tess and me, the Islamic State can be hunted down by a fearless conciliation officer as well.
It’s at this point that I do have some doubts about my cunning plan.
First of all, I doubt that any conciliation officer clocking on in ADB HQ has the intrepid courage to go after the Islamic State or to end the Caliph’s career. In fact, I rather get the impression that in the average conciliation officer’s scale of the ‘Worst things ever in the world’, I sit somewhere slightly below Hitler. Somewhere above me is Cory Bernardi, Cardinal Pell and then Tony Abbott. Above them is the mum who painted her child’s face black like Nic Natanui, the First Fleet, anyone who ever came from a country that is European and, finally, non-Green voters.
The Caliph of the Islamic State probably sits somewhere in the middle of things, slightly above those who put rubbish in the recycling bin and somewhat below transabled persons (you can read about them here). He also has a get out of jail free card because it would be intolerant, racist and/or merely less than understanding to question the leader of Islamic State about his religious beliefs.
But then again, I may be wrong. Maybe the ADB will go gung-ho against al Baghdadi. Who knows, in six months time we may all be hailing Rainbow Team Six for sidling into Syria and serving the world’s most wanted man with a notice that he’s breached S.49ZS and S.49ZT of the Anti-Discrimination Act (NSW) 1977 and is required to travel to Sydney for a hearing, lest he eventually be jailed for contempt.
Unfortunately, before any of that can happen, the process of the law must be followed. And this is also where I have doubts. Much larger doubts.
That’s because average plebs like you and me can’t lodge complaints under this law to provide equality for all. If I could, I would. But no, I lack the special characteristic required to lodge a complaint under S.49ZT and S.49ZT of the Anti-Discrimination Act (NSW) 1977. One must be gay to play in the law this way.
So, I’m on the lookout for a homosexual from New South Wales who wants to be the hero to win the war against the Islamic State using Premier Baird’s super law of tolerance. And hey, if you can muscle up the political will to shut down New South Wale’s entire greyhound racing industry, then you’ve probably also got the intestinal fortitude and VC-like political bravery to go after al Baghdadi using the Anti-Discrimination Act (NSW) 1977 as well. So, if you’re gay and want to help gain some publicity for Premier Baird’s laws and the Thought Police, let me know.
Normally, I would simply go and ask the only homosexual in New South Wales with a habit of bludgeoning people with the Anti-Discrimination Act (NSW) 1977 to do us all a favour and bring the Caliph to task. Unfortunately, Garry Burns has shown no intent whatsoever of using his immense talent and legal power for good. Instead, he has shown a disturbing trend of cosying up with Islamic crazies.
I know it makes no sense at all, but Burns has written glowingly about Zaky Mallah, who was jailed for threatening to kill a government officer. And good old Garry has also jumped to the defence of Anjem Choudary, who has been jailed in the UK for urging his followers to, well, join the Islamic State, where presumably they would engage in the odd public act of flinging homosexuals from the rooftops of the tallest buildings still standing in Mosul.
And then Garry Burns also wrote this in an email about me:
So I’m not confident Garry Burns is really that interested in taking on the Islamic State. It seems that he, like most other rainbow activists, is more interested in going after Catholics and gleefully cheering on the men who mockingly dress up as nuns on Mardi Gras night. Oh well, I guess that’s a nice way of thanking the Sisters of Charity for their work caring for HIV positive men.
Still. It’s a good plan. And it has flair and imagination too. All it needs is one homosexual from New South Wales to put it into action.